The memories were still fresh in my mind
as if it were yesterday.
Those look on his face when I first met him at my friend, Selina’s, birthday party. We spoke as if we had known each other for years. He was good in starting conversations, so, we got along so easily. He told me a lot about himself and that was how I found out that he was an only child to some rich couples. In the end we exchanged phone numbers and that established some sort of relationship between us.
We got real close as the days moved by and eventually not a single day passed without we hearing from each other. All through that while, we saw each other as just friends who sort of felt comfortable with each other.
As time went on, the most usually expected reaction took place. We went to a cafeteria upon prince’s request; had a good time together, and eventually in a cozy atmosphere, he proposed love to me. I remember that vividly clear……looking straight into my eyes and expecting a positive answer. The proposal did not come as much of a surprise because even at 18, I had all the features of a fully matured woman with all the necessary curves at the right places, so undoubtedly, every man in Prince’s shoes would want to have me as a girlfriend.
Interestingly, that is where my fear lied. Having grown up without a father (because my biological father refused responsibility for my mothers pregnancy), I had that distrust for the opposite sex. Growing up, I had encountered countless love proposals but I boldly rejected them all because, I could clearly see doubts in the eyes of these men as they uttered …
“I love you Cindy”.
Amazingly, here was another guy asking me out and this time, unlike with the other guys the answer no could just not be uttered. As I stared speechlessly into his eyes, as if contemplating on which answer to give, he was guaranteed to add “just give me the assurance with a yes, for it takes only that to make my world complete”
That moment the yes was as much as difficult to say as the no. Like a story, I narrated to him my fear of relationships and most importantly the fear of being mishandled. Looking straight into my eyes, he assured me of his undying and genuine love and even promised that there was not going to be any sexual intimacy between us until we were married.
Well, those were rhythmic to the ears of an eighteen year old virgin and the words sounded good to hear. Trusting that I could see some level of sincerity in his eyes, I agreed. The last thing I would ever forget is the words I told him before I agreed.
“For the first time in my life I am going to hand over my fragile heart to a man. I am not so sure if I am right in my decision, but I believe I can trust you. Please handle it with care and never let me down. I do not have the heart of stone to be able to withstand any mishandling; so please don’t go back on any of your promises…”
“Darling, worry not for I sure know how to handle you, you are just one of a kind.”
And that was how he interrupted without allowing me to complete my speech. In his early twenties my naivety gave me the impression that he was certain on his words.
From that day we became lovers. I grew to love him than I ever thought I would. We paid each other visits and went places together. My single parent mom could not help but notice the closeness between us and did not hesitate to pour out her fears of the choice I had made, but just as we the young ones always say, the words that echoed in my mind was that she was due for menopause, for I was too deep in love.
With both parents in Canada, Prince lived alone in a house that was indeed a swell; I never got the chance to see his parents. However, the closest I got to see was their photographs, from which I judged that they were lovely. Nevertheless that did not bother me at the time.
Prince made me feel superior and above all things. All the people who were actually familiar with me were surprised at how I was relating to him because I was the kind that never wanted anything to do with men.
Despite his rich background, prince was never boastful. He behaved just like any normal adult and that was the more reason I loved him. Selina was the most surprised, because as my best friend, she knew me better and knew as well, my despise of the opposite sex.
I was however able to convince her on how Prince had changed my perception. Eventually she was getting fed up with the new line of conversation between she and I, as it was always based on prince and nothing more. However, all she could do was to endure and be happy for me.
Initially I got bored with her conversations about her boyfriend but now I understood her better. Living a day without the one you love was quite an unbearable task. Love was gradually taking its natural course in my heart.
The most unforgettable day of our relationship was the day on which I turned nineteen. Text messages started filling my inbox at dawn and as early as at 6:30 am, Prince was already in my house. He came to wish me a pleasant birthday and I was overwhelmed with the kind of gifts he showered on me. That day was actually fun filled it was the best birthday I had had in years. It was far different from the usual one with Selina. I roamed most of the interesting places in Accra. After a very hectic time together, I offered to go home and have a shower, but, my Mr. Charming would not let me as he insisted we go to his place. I therefore had to take a shower in his house while he went out to get some food for the both of us.
On his return we entertained each other with love games. We had spent a lot of moments together but I felt something so different that particular evening. The atmosphere seemed to have changed and I felt so relaxed in his arms, as he kept whispering sweet words into my ears. I could not help but to smile at each.
Suddenly I felt his lips drifting from my ear zone and drawing closer to mine. This was not the first time we were about kissing but this time as his lips touched mine I felt a chill run down my body. For the first time he part his lips and gave me, a French kiss.
Surprisingly I had lost control and could not resist it when he drew his hand above my ribs to touch my breast. I could feel my heartbeat change to a quick rhythm as he squeezed on them seductively, with his lips still glued to mine. The kiss intensified and I could feel his lips move from mine down to my throat, my neck then to my ears. Couldn’t deny enjoying the sensation.
I could feel him breath so heavily and there was no doubt that he was enjoying it too.
“Cindy, would you permit me to try something new?” he had asked me.
“Like what..?” I asked a bit confused.
Without answering my question, he lifted me and the next minute I was in his bedroom. Only then did I start trembling though I didn’t know why.
“Cindy you love me don’t you?”
“Of course you know I do”, I answered quietly not knowing what to expect next
“Well, my love let me make you a woman. Prove the love to me… “, he said gently drawing closer to me on the bed.
“But you promised….”
“Well I know I did promise but you are my woman and there is no way I’d leave you for anyone else. All I want is for us to strengthen this bond between us.” Prince cut in just as I was about to remind him of his promises.
He was able to convince me and I gave in to him. That was how and when I lost my virginity. Although quite a painful experience I felt satisfied that I was proving my love for him.
After that incident and a couple of others prince began adopting a new attitude. He limited his phone calls and visits. I became surprised with this new development in our relationship. About four weeks later he informed me that one of his cousins had returned from the states and that was why he did not have much time for me. That night, he came to visit me at home and even slept over since my mom was out of town. We made love like never before and I willingly accepted his apology as I assured myself that he didn’t want anything else in another woman.
As we spoke that night he told me that his cousin was the anti-social type of person and therefore pleaded that I let him do the visiting as he did not want me to experience his cousin’s behavior. I agreed to the proposal thinking he was saving me the stress of visiting him.
A month later, I realized that I had missed my monthly flow and scare of my mother’s reaction if she found out, I decided to inform prince. I called him several times without reaching him for days .I therefore decided to go to his house. On reaching there, I met a lady at the entrance who introduced herself to me as his girlfriend and ushered me in. I could just not believe my ears and my blood I could feel was running hot through my veins. Before I could gather momentum to utter another word, Prince walked out through the door. Upon seeing me he looked a bit tensed up but managed to address me as if I was just a friend he hadn’t seen in a while. A stranger in our mist still looked on. I asked to talk to him privately and it was then that the lady asked to be excused. I then went ahead to tell him about the pregnancy and as well demanded an explanation to what was going on between himself and the lady. .
He sighed.
“Cindy I can only but plead with you to terminate the pregnancy. This situation in which you see me is way beyond my control. Wendy, the lady you met is my fiancée from the states whom I am supposed to marry. I never really thought you and I were going to go this far, am sorry to say. As it is I can’t marry both of you. Weighing the odds I just had to let you go. Not that I don’t love you, but because you are too good for me”.
I was completely at sea. I could not believe my ears.
“Were you just toying with my emotions...no Prince …stop the joke ok this is not the time…” was all I could voice out,
“Besides let’s be realistic here ok, I know of how girls tend to mess around after losing their so-called virginity so its doubtable if that thing is really mine…” he said as if to add more salt to injury.
“What…?” I yelled feeling rather heartbroken by his utterances. Rising from his seat he asked me to meet him at Kalvac restaurant for some money for the termination, and then he walked out on me.
Only then did it down on me that my life was ruined. Then like a mockery my mother’s words of caution kept sweeping through my mind.
Thinking he had something reasonable to say to me, the next day, I pulled myself together and went to meet him at the said place. Handing over an envelop to me, all he could say was I could find a better man. I cursed the day I ever met him. I threw the envelop to his face and walked away silently but dying within.
As I walk away, I hate myself so much for messing up this way and I am to live with the regrets of my wishful thoughts. Now I am thrown into a world of mockery, wondering where exactly I went wrong.
WHERE AND HOW DO I SURVIVE IT…………………..?
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